Don't Let Me Go Read online

  So, it was after last bell, and Grace was walking down the hall toward the door, slowly, eating a candy bar that she’d traded most of her lunch for, and the candy was so completely taking her attention that she walked right into another student — not once but twice. When she stepped outside, she finally looked up, scanning around for Yolanda or her mom. But neither were there, and her face fell.

  A woman waved.

  “It’s me,” the woman said. “Your neighbor. Rayleen. Remember me?”

  “Yeah,” Grace said.

  Then she looked around some more.

  “I’m here to pick you up.”

  “You?”

  “Me.”

  “Why you?”

  “Why not me?”

  “Where’s Yolanda?”

  “She needs to be at work.”

  “She said she’d take off work to pick me up.”

  “But she can only do that once. Or so. She can’t do it every day. So we thought, since I could do it just this one day, maybe we should save her taking off work until tomorrow. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”

  “She might’ve told me something, I think, like maybe that somebody else would be here. I don’t think she said who, though. Or maybe I guess I might’ve forgot.”

  They began the long walk home together, through the gray neighborhood. A car drove by, projecting rap music at earsplitting volume, and Rayleen winced. Grace could feel the bass notes in every muscle of her belly, but she didn’t wince.

  When they could hear again, Grace said, “So you can only do it this once, huh?”

  “Usually I’m at work. I went in early today. I had a client who changed her appointment from the last appointment in the afternoon to early.”

  “If Yolanda can only get off work once or so, who’s going to pick me up day after tomorrow?”

  “I thought maybe when we got home we could talk to Mrs. Hinman. She’s retired. I was thinking maybe she would.”

  “What if she says no?”

  “Well, then…I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

  “Oh. Whatever that means. How do you know Yolanda?”

  “I don’t, really.”

  “Then how did she ask you to pick me up?”

  “I saw her in the hall this morning, when she was waiting for you to come up the stairs. I just talked to her a little about your situation, is all.”

  “Oh,” Grace said.

  She didn’t ask any more questions, at least, not until they got home.

  • • •

  When they got home, Grace asked, “Are we going upstairs to see Mrs. Hinman now?”

  But Rayleen said, “Don’t you want to go in and put your backpack down first?”

  “Not really.”

  “I think you should,” Rayleen said.

  Not having much in the way of a strong opinion on the subject, Grace answered with a blank shrug.

  Rayleen followed Grace inside.

  Rayleen paused briefly at Grace’s mom’s open bedroom doorway, and stood looking in at Grace’s mom, asleep on the bed. Rayleen seemed all prepared for something to happen, but Grace’s mom never moved, never flicked an eyelid, never made a sound. The shades were drawn, in this case a set of dusty blinds covering the high basement windows. Grace could see her mom in the little glow of afternoon that leaked through the blinds. Her hair had tumbled all around her face, covering it. It made Grace a little uncomfortable for Rayleen to see her mom that way, but she wasn’t sure exactly why.

  “Are we going?” she asked. The minute it came out of her mouth, Grace knew, with that familiar guilty feeling, that she’d been too loud.

  Rayleen jumped, and then she froze there in the doorway, as if expecting Grace’s mom to open her eyes or something. Actually, Grace also thought — just for a minute — that her mom might wake up. They both waited for it, but it never happened.

  “Yeah,” Rayleen said quietly. “Yeah, we’re going to see Mrs. Hinman now. Let’s go.”

  But she didn’t go. Not right away. Instead she wandered back into the kitchen, where she opened a few cupboards. Grace wasn’t sure why the insides of the cupboards would seem interesting to Rayleen — or to anybody else, for that matter. Rayleen opened the refrigerator and stared into it for a time.

  “There’s nothing here for you to eat.”

  “I think there’s some cereal at the back of that cupboard. And I know how to boil eggs.”

  “But there’s only one egg left.”

  “Oh.”

  “Maybe we should order a pizza.”

  Grace sprang to life as if someone had suddenly plugged her into a power supply. She jumped up and down, literally, screaming with delight.

  “I love you, I love you, I love you, that’s the best idea anybody ever had, you’re my best friend, I love you, I love you, I love you!” she shrieked, among many other things, all along those same lines.

  “OK, my eardrum,” Rayleen said, pressing one palm to her Grace-facing ear. “That’s my eardrum.”

  Grace’s mom still did not wake up.

  The phone jangled suddenly, and Rayleen jumped again. A second ring, and then Grace ran to it, and picked it up.

  “Hello?” she said. Well. Screeched.

  A woman on the line asked if she was Grace Ferguson.

  “Yeah, this is Grace.”

  The woman then asked to speak to her mom.

  “She can’t come to the phone right now,” Grace said.

  The woman asked if she was alone.

  “No,” she said. “Rayleen is here.”

  The woman asked to speak to Rayleen.

  Grace held the phone out to Rayleen. “She wants to talk to you.”

  Rayleen took the phone, but hesitantly, as if it might be more dangerous than anybody else’s phone.

  “Hello?” Pause. “My name is Rayleen Johnson.” Pause. “I’m her neighbor. And…actually, if you don’t mind my asking, I’d like to know who I’m speaking to, as well.” Pause. “Oh. Well, right. There hasn’t been anybody home all day, so that’s why you just now got somebody. Grace was at school. I just now picked her up from school.” Pause. “Yes, ma’am, I’m looking after her.” Long pause. “It’s like this, ma’am.” Rayleen was half whispering now, but Grace could still hear her just fine. “I think that report you got might be all my fault. Not Grace’s mother’s fault at all. My fault. Who was it that called you, anyway?” Pause. “Oh. Right. Sorry. Of course you can’t. I’m sorry for asking. I just wasn’t thinking for a minute, there. Anyway. Here’s the thing. Grace’s mom hurt her back. And so she’s been on some heavy meds. You know, painkillers and those muscle relaxers that make you all sleepy. So that’s why she’s paying me to look after Grace. But…Well, I hate like hell to even admit this, because I just feel so terrible about it, but there was one day I messed up on my schedule and I wasn’t there when I was supposed to be, and Grace was alone for a while. But I swear to you, I promise, with my hand on a stack of Bibles if you want, nothing like that is ever going to happen again. Anybody can make a mistake, right? One mistake. But I’m a good babysitter. I’m responsible. Really, I am. Grace will be OK with me until her mom gets better.”

  Long pause.

  Then Rayleen gave her name again. And she spelled it — well, spelled her first name, as any idiot can spell Johnson, even fourth-grade Grace (or, at least, so she thought until she learned there was an “h” in it) — and explained how her address was the same as Grace’s, only apartment D instead of F. Then she read off her phone number.

  Grace noticed that Rayleen’s hands were shaking, but wasn’t sure what to make of that. Maybe they always did. She’d never thought to check.

  “But she’s kind of—” Pause. “Right. I’ll make sure she calls. Give me the number, I’ll write it down.”

  After she hung up, Grace waited for Rayleen to explain who that had been on the phone, and why. But she never did.

  She just took Grace by the hand and walked out the d
oor with her, saying, “Let’s go talk to Mrs. Hinman now.”

  • • •

  “Who is it?” Grace heard Mrs. Hinman call through the door of her attic apartment. She sounded scared, like she was already sure it was a robber or some other kind of bad man, and was just trying to think how to stay safe against him. Like it hadn’t even occurred to her yet that it might be somebody nice.

  “It’s your neighbor Rayleen,” Rayleen said. “And Grace.”

  “Oh,” Mrs. Hinman said through the door, sounding only the tiniest bit happier. “I’m coming. I’ll be right with you. Just this one bar lock tends to stick a bit. This will just take me a moment.”

  Grace said to Rayleen, “And then we can order the pizza?”

  But just then Mrs. Hinman opened the door wide.

  “Oh, my,” she said. “Rayleen. What’s wrong? You look very upset.”

  “I have to talk to you,” Rayleen said. “It’s really important.”

  Still holding Grace’s hand, Rayleen marched them into the apartment and stopped at the kitchen table, staring at a game of solitaire — actual solitaire with actual cards, not the kind you play on your computer. Grace had only ever seen the kind you play on your computer.

  Rayleen said, “I didn’t know anybody played solitaire any more.”

  Grace said, “People play it on their computer.”

  Rayleen said, “Yeah. Computer solitaire. But not with real cards.”

  Mrs. Hinman, who was still busy fussing with the redoing of all those locks on her door, said, “Well, if that isn’t the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. Computers cost thousands of dollars, and a pack of cards costs about ninety-nine cents.”

  “No, computers don’t cost that much,” Grace said. “And, besides, you can do lots of things with a computer, but with cards you can only play cards.”

  “What did you want to talk to me about?”

  “Right. Sorry,” Rayleen said. “We want to know if you’ll pick Grace up from school for a few days. Just until her mom is…feeling better.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

  “Do you know how far away the grammar school is?”

  “Yeah. I was just there. It’s about ten blocks.”

  “Each way. It’s about ten blocks each way. I’m an older woman, in case you hadn’t noticed. I can’t walk twenty blocks a day. My knees would swell. They come up sore just from walking to the market, and that’s only a four-block round trip.”

  Rayleen sat down hard on Mrs. Hinman’s couch. Very hard. It made her bounce once, just a little bit.

  “I’m in trouble,” she said. “I did something. Just now. I won’t say something bad, because I don’t know that it was bad. But something I could get in trouble for. I lied to a social worker from the county. Told her I was Grace’s babysitter. So now I am. Now I have to be. Because they could send somebody out. Any time. Somebody could show up at the door, and then not only could they take Grace away if nobody’s watching her, I could get in trouble because I was supposed to be in charge.”

  “Oh, my,” Mrs. Hinman said. “I can’t imagine why you would do a thing like that.”

  “I just didn’t want to see them put this poor little girl in the system.”

  Then Mrs. Hinman looked at Grace, who was just standing there, near Rayleen’s legs, and said, “Maybe we should talk about this some other time.”

  But Rayleen said, “No. I don’t see it that way. I think people do too much of that. Keeping things from kids because it might upset them. This is her life we’re talking about. I think she has a right to hear. Anyway. I can take her to school before I have to be at work in the morning, but I need somebody to pick her up.”

  “Why don’t you ask Mr. Lafferty?”

  Rayleen snorted. Really. Snorted. Grace thought it sounded funny, but it was clear that this was not a funny situation in any other way besides the snort, so she was careful not to laugh.

  “That nasty man? I don’t want a guy like that anywhere near Grace. He’s mean and he’s rude and he’s bigoted, and I don’t like him one bit.”

  Mrs. Hinman leaned in and whispered, “He wouldn’t be bigoted against her.”

  “That’s not the point. The point is, she shouldn’t have to be around somebody like that.” Then, to Grace, Rayleen said, “I’m not so sure about Mr. Lafferty. Do you know him?”

  “I think so. He’s the one who doesn’t like Felipe, right?”

  “That sounds about right. See, I’m not sure he’s the right person.”

  “Why don’t you ask Felipe? Or Billy?” Grace asked cheerfully.

  “Billy? Who’s Billy?”

  “You know. Billy. Our other neighbor. On the first floor.”

  “Across the hall from me? You know him?”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Well, nobody knows him. I’ve never even seen him. I’ve lived here for six years, and I’ve never once seen him. I’ve never seen him go out, and I’ve never seen anybody go in. I heard he even has his groceries delivered. How do you know him?”

  “I just do. We just talk.”

  “Felipe might be a good idea,” Rayleen said. “Yeah. Maybe we should ask Felipe.”

  “But who will look after her until you come home?” Mrs. Hinman asked.

  Rayleen’s face went soft, like she was sad and scared all at the same time, like she was about to have to beg for something very important.

  “I was hoping you would.”

  “Oh, well. I don’t know about that.”

  And Grace, sensing the importance of the moment, jumped in and said, “Please, Mrs. Hinman, please? I’ll be really good, and I’ll even try to be quiet, and it’s only for a little while anyway, until my mom gets better.”

  “I’m sure you would be very good, honey,” Mrs. Hinman said, “but I’m afraid that’s not the point. I’m just not the right person to watch you. I’m too old, and I haven’t got enough energy.”

  Just before Rayleen got up from the couch, Mrs. Hinman took her by one sleeve, pulled her closer and whispered something in her ear. But Grace could hear it just fine. Why did people always do that? Did they think she was deaf? Grace had very good ears, but nobody seemed to know that about her.

  What Mrs. Hinman said was this: “It’s not your problem. And you’re only going to make it worse. And you’re just postponing the inevitable, anyway.”

  Rayleen yanked her arm away, pulling her sleeve out of Mrs. Hinman’s fingers. She never answered. She took Grace’s hand, and left without saying anything more.

  Just at the door Grace said, “Now can we order the pizza?”

  But it turned out that first they had to talk to Felipe.

  There’s always one more thing you have to do, Grace thought, downhearted now, before they let you order the pizza.

  • • •

  The minute he opened up the door, Rayleen said, “Felipe. Are you OK?”

  And Felipe said, “Sure. Why?”

  “You look terrible. Are you sure you’re OK?”

  “You look sad,” Grace added in that big voice of hers.

  And then, suddenly, just when Grace said that, it looked as though Felipe was trying to hold back from crying. Grace was pretty sure of what she saw, but at the same time figured she might be wrong, because he was a big grown-up man, and big grown-up men didn’t cry. Well, probably didn’t. Actually, Grace wasn’t sure. She just knew she’d never seen such a thing. Big grown-up ladies did, every now and then, but not so much men; at least, not so far as she knew. But it seemed to be happening that way now, so it was worth thinking some more about it.

  Felipe swiped at his eyes with one hand, then squeezed them shut, hard, like they were hurting him, and rubbed them.

  “Damn allergies,” he said. “Drives me crazy. Come in, come in. Gotta talk fast, though, because I’m just getting ready for work.”

  But Rayleen didn’t go in, and so Grace didn’t, either. Grace thought maybe it was beca
use of what Felipe had said about needing to go to work, or maybe because he was sad, but she wasn’t sure. So she just did the safe thing, which of course was simply to do what the grown-up in charge seemed to be doing.

  “We came to ask you a favor,” Grace called out, rather cheerfully.

  “We did,” Rayleen said. “So, you don’t work construction in the day any more?”

  “No. No, I got a better job. In a restaurant. Actually doesn’t pay as well, but it’s steady. I needed something steady. What’s the favor?”

  “I was hoping you’d pick Grace up at school for a few days.”

  “Oh. Sure. I could do that.” Then his face changed, as if he had only just thought of something troublesome. “Oh. No. No. I take it back. I couldn’t. I’m sorry. Wish I could. I’d help if I could. But it’s that guy across the hall. He’d make trouble for me. I know he would. Few days ago, I got down on one knee and asked Grace why she wasn’t in school — that’s all I did — and he practically had me on a prison bus to the state pen over it.”

  “Shit. Damn it. That guy is such an asshole,” Rayleen said. Then she looked down at Grace suddenly, as if only just remembering that Grace was standing right there. “Oh. Sorry, Grace.”

  “I’ve heard those words before, you know,” Grace said.

  After all, it’s not like she was a baby.

  “Well, I’m sorry you heard them from me. Listen. Felipe. What if I could smooth things out with Lafferty?”

  “Um…”

  “Just let me try, OK? If you were really sure he wouldn’t interfere, then you’d do it?”

  “Sure, I don’t mind getting her from school for a few days. But then who’s gonna take care of her until you get home? I mean, what do I do with her then, just leave her in her own apartment? Because I gotta get ready for work pretty soon after that.”

  Rayleen’s forehead furrowed, even more than it had been furrowed all along, or, at least, all along since that phone call.

  “We’re working on that,” she said. “The only thing I know right now is that she can’t be alone. Which includes being in her apartment with just her mom. She’s got to be with somebody all the time.”

  “Billy!” Grace chimed in. “Let’s ask Billy!”